Shit Day

Today is a shit day (excuse my language). My stupid outlook is down so I have to use webmail and my computer still will not create shortcuts which annoying the bejesus out of me and doesn't make sense. That is the problem with this outlook issue. It doesnt make sense! Sometimes I literally feel crazy when things like this happen.

Tonight is book club night and I can hardly wait to have a big glass of red wine and try to relax and try to let these stupid little things not get to me.... although, they sure did today. 

Listen to me. I am just mad cause I have been snacking on cheese and crackers today and my stomach is killing me because of it. Tummy is in dissary, my computer sucks, and my work is not easy today.

You know what - I need to go on a nice long walk...that is my plan. Get me the hell out of this office I say!

I'm Your Man

The most memorable night of my life (yes, my wedding night), I was having Greek food and loving the atmosphere under a outdoor cozy big white tent, with lanterns hanging from the ceiling and candles and flowers and colours making it glow wonderfully. There was a petter-patter of rain lightly hitting the roof and a 3 story chocolate cake on a table in the corner with flowers decroarted like they were crawling up it on a vine.

Looking across the table at my and Jon’s parents, feeling me sister (my rock) and best friend beside me I felt so glad to be near them on this night. And then of course on my left sat Jon, and everytime I glanced at him I felt alive and mistified with joy. And there was a game where you couldn’t just clang the glass to watch us kiss, but you had to sing a song with the word "love" in it. And I thought that was cool, watching our families try their best to think of songs and visit with one another and all the rest.

And as dinner went on, and the plates were cleared I decided it was time to give Jon and I’s thank you speech. And when it came to an end, Jon asked me if I was finished and I said yes and he said then it was his turn and he got out a piece of paper. He held the piece of paper, and turned towards me, a little shaky he started singing the song “I’m your man” by Leonard Cohen. As he continued  his deep voice got stronger and the look in his eyes were true. He sang the entire lyrics to me infront of everyone, but it was like there was no one except us. He sang it with such heartfelt that I stood there with tears of joy and love in my eyes and felt so touched.

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
I'm your man

If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
I'm your man

Ah, the moon's too bright
The chain's too tight
The beast won't go to sleep
I've been runnin' through, these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by beggin' on his knees
Or I'd crawl to you baby
And I'd fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please
I'm your man

And if you've got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only wanna walk with me a while
Across the sand
I'm your man

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love

I got Married!

I feel older, wiser and more confident than I have ever felt before. Not only in myself, but in my path of life. Alongside my husband I will be. It was a perfect day, would have been better if there were more hours in the day. We laughed, we cried, we canoed down a river, had the ceremony under an arbor with flowers all around and it was gorgeous. It was so beautiful, I was beautiful, and everyone around me too. there were horses and gardens and a caring loving new family I was entering that gave it a glow of warmth that I am so thankful for.

We had some rain, some clouds and then this incredible rainbow…There was good luck all around and singing and dancing under a black light even. There were shots of Yager and G&T’s, a bonfire and a sauna and swimming in the river and hanging out on the dock in the dark completed the night. Pulled beef buns, and chocolate cake and some of the best homemade Greek food I have ever tasted and all the ingredients were fresh from the garden. I watched them pull the cucumbers myself the night before.

There were little touches of love and inspiration in moments of time, in flower arrangements, in napkin ring holders and poems. I will add the words to my most favourite poem in the world now. The one my grandfather wrote for Jon and I a week before the big day.

With my family by my side and my best friend smiling me on, I was the true "me" throughout the day and night.

I couldn’t have hoped for a better man to love and commit myself to, on a more perfect day to declare it to one another.

Life is a feeling

There is so much exciting things going on right now I wonder how it will be when it all dies down. Does it ever really die down though, I mean the reality is that life is filled with so much “stuff”. Even if it is just “stuff”, like day to day, we love our lives mostly. I have been thinking about life a little these days. Is life worth it to live, even if we are given a really horrible life? Of course, definition of horrible can be certainly misconstrued therefore perhaps not a fair question. But what is life worth? No matter how long or quality of life – is it still better to have lived?

 

For me, life is like this insanely amazing place. I have always thought I have felt a lot of life. In growing pains where I would cry for hours and not know why (hormones) and other types of pain - physical pain (emergency root canal), emotional pain (losing relationships), mental (scared, confused, angry). But even when I was going through painful times of my life, I remember thinking how lucky and what an experience this was, to feel so much of something. I think that has been my most prized life possession, the ability to feel pain and happiness, both equally.

I know in my most painful times and at my most happy times I would find a tree or a lake, a piece of grass in a park, something in nature to soothe and comfort me. I feel so free and so much more at ease in those places, close to ducks or water lilies, even if I have to run or walk to get there and soak it in. They mention these days and ages the deficit of nature in young humans and I am fascinated in this revelation; however, absolutely not surprised.  

Anyway, more and more as I go through life and experience these happy (and sad) life experiences, I think about what a gift we are given every day. To wake up and walk around, think independently, eat good whole foods, wash ourselves, take care of ourselves, look at nature, visit with the ones we love, sleep with the ones we love, in a bed, in a clean home, etc, these are the true gifts in life. We live this privileged life that is so fantastical, it is really almost ridiculous. It is like a dream and we should be thanking the stars every night for giving us this treat, this sample of the world that encompasses us and does its best to give us a fresh day, every day.

I believe that if life only gave you one thing and that thing was to experience a feeling, that life would still be worth living. 

Happy Canada Day!

It’s CANADA DAY tomorrow and Robin’s birthday AND Amy is in town. Promising to be fun. Not only that but me and Cynnie are going up to the property! It has been forever since I have been up and been in the water, totally looking forward to that and hanging out with my sis.

My life lately has been stressful because of work, so I really feel like I need this time off to recoup.

My trip home deserves its own post and I really am going to make the time soon to give it what it deserves. My parents are my heros and I love them so much. They threw me the party of my lifetime and I will never forget it. I am so thankful I have this loving and beautiful family that surrounds me (this includes my old friends – because they will always be a part of my family too). And new to my family is my husband-to-be (in 6 weeks!). He is over the moon with excitement and happiness, which melts my heart from the inside out.

A salut to all Canadians that I love this weekend. Happy Canada Day.

xoxoxoxoxoox

Not easy having a blog.

It’s not easy having a blog – there is guilt involved when you do not keep it updated, and to be honest it is a commitment. The reason I wanted to have a blog in the first place is try to capture moments/times in my life so that I could reflect upon them when I need/want to. I find it such an amazing fact of the  world right now, that we have the technology to keep our words preserved until the end of time. That is what the fact really is. Websites providing this service are really storing individuals day to day history, forever. It is pretty far out when I think that we wouldn’t of ever predicted that we would have capabilities like this 30 or so years ago, reminds me of Margret Atwood.

I am going to post more in the next months, mark my words (and store them for ever)...ha ha ha

A letter to Jon - from HWY 417

So what is more lame…getting backended on the 417 in the middle of rush hour or waiting on the 417 for the cops to show up? Yes – you got it. They are equal in their lameness. It is seriously not my day. I need a drink.

So hows my guy…wish I could call you right now, but no cell to speak of. And therefore the highway hanging out is all I got here and I can use my word and write you a little letter and feel a bit better and a bit more productive then doing absolutely nothing but staring and traffic passing us. I even had a guy yet out “Idiot” to me. Great. Thanks buddy, yah, its all my fault isn’t it? I am the one in front. I automatically win. The guy behind me loses; it isn’t rocket science who is in fault here.

Anyway, whatever, its 30 degrees, sunny…who wouldn’t want to be in hot traffic smelling exhaugst and wanting water. Maybe this is what I get for being so cute. Ha ha ha. I mean though in the big sheme of things I got it so good, so this is a like a little “dent” (pardon the pun) to make it even in the long run. I don’t know about that, but lets go with it.

The bumper on the Element looks like ass – sorta evens out the dings in the sides I guess. The car makes noises like its from 1995, and the clutch still squeeks. Matt says that sometimes it goes away – maybe it’s the way I drive it, that is what my Dad might say. SO the funny thing is that the windshield whiper fluid light is on, and the check maintenance light. Also with my experience with my Dad’s car last week – the wind shield washer was out there as well. Funny yet retarded. But hey, that sums up my family some times.

Oh – I see cops in the distance – hope they are mine.

By the way - the guy who rear ended me was nice enough to take a picture with his iphone and send it to me via email so that I have memories for ever. awesome.